i don’t understand why people think allison’s family treating her like that is just an “isolated incident” or that it was all gerard’s fault
clearly her parents were incredibly controlling way before gerard came into the picture
clearly all her poetry and paintings in boxes were not just put there because she thought she sucked at them
clearly there’s a reason why she thinks the only thing that she’s good at it is handling weapons
those “six years” or whatever of gymnastics were clearly not just for fucking fun
and what would you even say or do if you found out that your mother killed herself and what was left of your family was dropping not-so-subtle hints that you should be getting revenge
they groomed allison to be a hunter since she was a child and she turned into an agent of revenge because her family was fucking dying around her and nobody bothered explaining anything to her in a non-manipulative way
also going to point out the fact that:
Her family is and was the only constant thing she’s ever had. School’s change, friends change, locales change, but her family is the only thing she really has in the world. No long lasting outside advisor, no one to notice that things aren’t quite right, no one to be there to be an outside perspective in this incredibly ‘close’ family that answers to no one. Yup, THAT’S healthy and full of balanced opinions.
The way she jumps and startles at her mother’s snapped words, the way her mother just busts into her room and starts going through her closet, combined with the knowledge that she’s never been told about Hunting. So you have strict rules, strictly enforced, but NEVER ANY REASONING GIVEN, no logic she can use to figure out what they want or how the rules WORK (which means she could do the wrong thing at any time because the rules don’t make sense), combined with the fact that she has no real privacy or right to her space or ‘safe’ place (which means she can’t do anything wrong ANYWHERE, least of all at home).
So someone reaches out and gives her rules. Someone tells her how the world works, what her places is, and how to make them happy. Puts her in CHARGE, too. Then add all the OTHER fucked up crap (like her mother dying, being disallowed from the one person who makes her feel good/safe/normal, the sexual harassment/assault from Matt, the death of people around her) and part of that in chargeness is a duty to try and ‘fix’ things?
We haven’t been talking much. You’re not online, unless you are and then I don’t notice or I do and I say hi and you say hi and then we don’t have much else to say. That’s a pattern that I know well and hate. (I assume most everyone does.) And this is me trying to stave it off, again.
#trigger warning #ugh don’t read this if stuff triggers you basically #suicide #trigger warning suicide #stuff that might be triggery if you’ve got eating related problems #self mutilation #self harm#abuse #emotional abuse #suicidal ideation #self hate