Anonymous asked you:
Sooo you can be asexual and a sub? (genuine question from someone who’s neither and should be less ignorant before making an opinion on Elementary Sherlock’s sexuality)
[content notes: BDSM, discussion of sex, NSFW, brief mention of self-harm via car crash, mentions of food]
Yes! Absolutely! BDSM and kink roles really don’t necessarily have anything to do with sex at all, and even if sex is involved, sexual actions don’t necessarily have anything to do with one’s own sexuality.
For instance, someone can be a sub because:
- they want to consensually give up control (physical, psychological, and/or emotional) to someone else for a while,
- they enjoy a receiving a particular sensation (masochist and sub don’t necessarily equate but can go hand in hand),
- they want to serve and take care of others in a power-differentiated role (i.e. sub prepares food and brings Dom breakfast in bed coughJoanlockcough),
- they want to be taken care of by others in a power-differentiated role (i.e. sub spoon-fed dinner then kissed on the forehead and tucked into bed by caretaker Dom),
- they want to be given specific structure, orders, or discipline, or
- many other non-sexual reasons people feel like subs.
However, subs can also have sexual reasons and experiences in their subbiness and still be asexual. Asexuality is simply about not experiencing sexual attraction to other people. So, for instance:
- maybe they have a sub-related kink that they’re sexually into that gets them off, but it’s not about sexual attraction to another person, it’s about sexual arousal via that kink,
- maybe in the course of subbing they want to consensually give sexual pleasure to someone they like or love, but not because they’re sexually attracted to the person, and they won’t receive sexual reciprocation in return,
- maybe they do want to orgasm with the other person, but it’s because they want the release and they trust the other person, not because they’re attracted to the other person,
- maybe they’re gray-asexual in the demisexual way and do develop sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection, but are still on the asexual spectrum, or
- many other reasons.
You can also have kink attraction to someone without having sexual attraction to someone. I experience this a lot as a gray-asexual kinky person. Like I really want to consensually tie up, gag, slap, and hair-pull BBC!Sherlock (kink attraction) and consensually make him cry, lose control, and beg for mercy twice, after Irene Adler put the idea in my mind and after B.C. talked about having sensitive follicles. This idea is extremely appealing to me at a very subconscious, base level, but that doesn’t mean I’m sexually attracted to him (I’m really not).
So now that I’ve written the longest reply in the world (as I usually do when writing about kink and sex, because I love these topics), yes. Someone can be asexual and kinky at the same time.
And going back to Elementary!Sherlock:
- his disinterest/repulsion in sex from the first episode,
- but his beam of happiness at being a sub,
- plus his discussion of needing the release sometimes,
- plus his overall enthusiastic subbiness (including but not limited to for security/comfort like longlittleness’ theory about his shirt collars, keeping himself handcuffed while discussing emotional things, etc),
- plus his enthusiasm about Gwen and Olivia as a consensual experiment…
All lead me to the theory that Elementary!Sherlock is:
- a kinky asexual sub,
- who enjoys bondage/restriction,
- masochism as emotional grounding (I gathered this from the car crash),
- and power differences in daily tasks,
- is willing to partake in sex as long as the loss of control part for him is kinky, not sexual,
- his own sexual release might infrequently occur but is not sexualized,
- and the sexual fluids, noises, etc are part of a “yuck” (his words) but academically-interesting experiment.
Other interpretations of course welcome, but those are my thoughts!