This is not a blog. No, seriously.

l-silvermoon:

I want to read an aromatic asexual romance manga.

Girl doesn’t want to date. Every one else is bugging her about it (especially her parents).
Girl gets into incredibly cliche manga story line, surrounded by hot guys.
Story finishes.
By the end- girl still doesn’t want to date. She has a new BFF from some place unrelated to where the hot guys are from. People leave her choices the hell alone.

(via fictionalaros)

metapianycist:

Interview with Ianna Hawkins Owen

icannotaven:

greenchestnuts:

Thank you to Ianna Hawkins Owen for interviewing with the Asexual Agenda about race and asexual communities! I think this is a very important topic and important work that she’s done.

Could you summarize your study on racial issues on AVEN?
I met Siggy of The Asexual Agenda at the 2012 St Clair Drake Symposium where I presented a paper concerned with the ways race is reproduced in online asexual community. In the paper, I reviewed AVEN threads from 2004-2011 by black asexuals looking for other self-identified black asexuals and reflected on the user interactions inside those threads. The threads typically pull responses from users who state their identity as asexuals of color or white asexuals and responses from users that decline to identify. Often, white asexuals and those who do not identify themselves use these threads to make statements that, 1) AVEN is a safe, diverse environment, 2) AVEN is a race neutral place and asexuals are color-blind, or 3) race is anarchronistic, un-important or itself “racist.” All three of these tendencies work to minimize the significance of race, to obscure “white” as a race by claiming neutrality, and to dismiss user interests or lived/digital experiences.

This is an excellent post.

Reblogging for reference.

metapianycist:

davids-high-kick:

Do you know what no one ever talks about? Asexuality in the media.

I know, I know, we need equal representation of homosexual characters in the media, who aren’t stereotyped, and who have real, legitimate lives and problems and story lines. I fully realize that and hope that can change in the future.

But let’s really take apart asexuality in the media, shall we? Observing a handful of (arguably) asexual characters, the results will probably bring up names like The Doctor (Doctor Who), Castiel (Supernatural), Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens), and maybe Sherlock if you’re feeling generous enough to ignore the stupidity that Moffat has spewed on the subject. In all except the last example, these characters are supernatural, or aliens, or otherwise inhuman.

And that is insane.

Because that entire thought process raises asexuality into something that is either too freakish to be human, or “too good” for humanity. Even if you throw in Sherlock, he still comes across as some sort of Demi-god, or at the very least some kind of Byronic creature, too much for mankind. It’s weird and creepy (not to mention dangerous) to simultaneously tear down and exalt asexuality as something beyond the realm of the normal, and it is upsetting and it has to change. Because, yeah. I understand that we need real representation of gay characters in the media, and I understand that we still have a long way to go to get there. But at least those characters are, you know, human.

Actually, there was a blogging event whose topic was media representations of asexuality, and more than ten people wrote in: http://asexualspace.wordpress.com/2011/09/01/carnival-of-aces-5-round-up-post/ 

Here is another: http://quodinanevocamus.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/carnival-of-aces-roundup/

There was another more recent blog carnival whose topic was asexuality and fiction: http://lunasspecto.tumblr.com/post/36935830963/november-2012-carnival-of-aces-round-up

(Forgive the linkspam, but media representation of asexuals is a topic that is very often discussed!)

metapianycist:

just so everyone knows

I don’t give a shit whether asexuality in itself counts as queer

or whether cis heteroromantic asexuals are queer

what I do give a shit about is that your expression of feelings about cis heteroromantic asexuals not being queer

is imposing a “must be THIS queer to enter” standard that might alienate the aces that you believe ARE queer enough (oh look, here is an example of that from a panromantic ace).

Elementary!Holmes and kinky asexuality

quequieresmrmorden:

Anonymous asked you:

Sooo you can be asexual and a sub? (genuine question from someone who’s neither and should be less ignorant before making an opinion on Elementary Sherlock’s sexuality)

—

[content notes: BDSM, discussion of sex, NSFW, brief mention of self-harm via car crash, mentions of food]

Yes! Absolutely! BDSM and kink roles really don’t necessarily have anything to do with sex at all, and even if sex is involved, sexual actions don’t necessarily have anything to do with one’s own sexuality. 

For instance, someone can be a sub because: 

• they want to consensually give up control (physical, psychological, and/or emotional) to someone else for a while, 
• they enjoy a receiving a particular sensation (masochist and sub don’t necessarily equate but can go hand in hand), 
• they want to serve and take care of others in a power-differentiated role (i.e. sub prepares food and brings Dom breakfast in bed coughJoanlockcough), 
• they want to be taken care of by others in a power-differentiated role (i.e. sub spoon-fed dinner then kissed on the forehead and tucked into bed by caretaker Dom), 
• they want to be given specific structure, orders, or discipline, or 
• many other non-sexual reasons people feel like subs. 

However, subs can also have sexual reasons and experiences in their subbiness and still be asexual. Asexuality is simply about not experiencing sexual attraction to other people. So, for instance:

• maybe they have a sub-related kink that they’re sexually into that gets them off, but it’s not about sexual attraction to another person, it’s about sexual arousal via that kink, 
• maybe in the course of subbing they want to consensually give sexual pleasure to someone they like or love, but not because they’re sexually attracted to the person, and they won’t receive sexual reciprocation in return,
• maybe they do want to orgasm with the other person, but it’s because they want the release and they trust the other person, not because they’re attracted to the other person,
• maybe they’re gray-asexual in the demisexual way and do develop sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection, but are still on the asexual spectrum, or
• many other reasons.

You can also have kink attraction to someone without having sexual attraction to someone. I experience this a lot as a gray-asexual kinky person. Like I really want to consensually tie up, gag, slap, and hair-pull BBC!Sherlock (kink attraction) and consensually make him cry, lose control, and beg for mercy twice, after Irene Adler put the idea in my mind and after B.C. talked about having sensitive follicles. This idea is extremely appealing to me at a very subconscious, base level, but that doesn’t mean I’m sexually attracted to him (I’m really not).

So now that I’ve written the longest reply in the world (as I usually do when writing about kink and sex, because I love these topics), yes. Someone can be asexual and kinky at the same time.

And going back to Elementary!Sherlock:

• his disinterest/repulsion in sex from the first episode,
• but his beam of happiness at being a sub, 
• plus his discussion of needing the release sometimes, 
• plus his overall enthusiastic subbiness (including but not limited to for security/comfort like longlittleness’ theory about his shirt collars, keeping himself handcuffed while discussing emotional things, etc), 
• plus his enthusiasm about Gwen and Olivia as a consensual experiment…

All lead me to the theory that Elementary!Sherlock is: 

• a kinky asexual sub, 
• who enjoys bondage/restriction, 
• masochism as emotional grounding (I gathered this from the car crash),
• discipline, 
• and power differences in daily tasks, 
• is willing to partake in sex as long as the loss of control part for him is kinky, not sexual, 
• his own sexual release might infrequently occur but is not sexualized, 
• and the sexual fluids, noises, etc are part of a “yuck” (his words) but academically-interesting experiment. 

Other interpretations of course welcome, but those are my thoughts!

(via mswyrr)

tw: rape

toomanylokifeels:

No, I am going to talk about this and you are going to listen. 

Asexuals often receive rape threats because people believe that asexual-identifying individuals cannot possibly not want to have sex; even though the idea that asexuality is defined by specifically not wanting to have sex is a false one. (And I’ve explained that here) It is for this reason why I am tired of the constant oppression game people like to play with the asexual community. Are we oppressed? Are we not?

It doesn’t matter, all these arguments do is mask the fact that this unacceptable thing is happening. People actually think that “corrective” rape will change someone’s sexual identity. It starts with people asserting your orientation does not exist, and asexuality is not the only orientation to face/to have faced this. Then people assume things about yourself that “made you the way you are.” Then people move into threats territory. Then people move into the actions part. 

There is a real fear even among the asexual community that people who identify as anything other than heterosexual will be harassed and assaulted. They have a reason to be upset and a reason to be afraid, it has happened to many people before. Many people within the asexual community and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole have experienced harassment and assault. 

By denying that asexuals exist despite evidence that they in fact do, solely based on your misconceptions and political agendas that have little to do with our identity, you are perpetuating this dangerous mindset that people who do not fit into your idea of what a human being should be, need to be corrected.

My question to you is why then in situations where asexuals become upset over people harassing them, do asexuals get blamed for sticking up for themselves? Why are we not questioning why people think it’s okay to send rape threats to people who identify as such? Why are we not questioning what their problem is, instead of what ‘our’ problem is?

My right to exist and to be safe should supersede your right to say whatever the hell you want. Your words have consequences and the consequences of them should not result in people like me getting harmed. This is more than about hurt feelings. This is an attack on our entire existence.

You do not belong in our spaces. You need not voice your “opinion” on our orientation, it’s not a debatable topic and it is not a matter of conflicting opinions. The fact that you get defensive when asexuals rightfully become upset when you attack them shows that the problems lie with you and not with them. Furthermore, it is not your job to regulate what the asexual community does or says, that is something people within the community can debate and discuss critically. 

History of Demisexuality + Gray Asexuality

metapianycist:

I found what I think to be the earliest usage of the word “demisexual” on AVEN, dating to February 2006 (before Tumblr existed), coined by an AVEN user who is still active and is currently a moderator: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/14000-asexual-sex/ 

So I highly doubt that the claim that teenage girls from an RP forum introduced the word to AVEN, because sonofzeal is a cis man.

So anyone who still thinks that the usage of “demisexual” above has anything to do with the usage on an RP forum in 2005 can shut the fuck up.

On a somewhat related topic, prior to the coining of the word “demisexual,” the word “semisexual” had been in circulation on the forum dating back to October 2003 when AVENguy coined it to refer to what is now called gray asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/1629-semisexuality/ 

So anyone who still thinks that the idea of gray asexuality originated on Tumblr can also shut the fuck up, because the concept of a gray area between “asexual” and “sexual” has been around for almost a decade.

miscellanii:

When it comes to the asexual community and supporting people…

• I stand with the heteroromantics, who are so often told that they’re “straight” so any problems they have in relation to their asexuality aren’t important.
• I stand with the aromantics, who get pushed aside every time you say “oh, I’m not unfeeling, I can still love people” as if not loving people makes you unfeeling.
• I stand with the homoromantics, the biromantics, and the panromantics,  who get told sometimes that they shouldn’t even consider themselves LGBT, as if their asexuality erases any other part of their identity.
• I stand with any ace (homo/bi/panromantic, trans, PoC, older, male) who is casually erased by the myth that all aces are “straight white teenage girls trying to feel special”.
• I also stand with the teenage girls, whose asexuality is just as real, and not the result of trying to be a “special snowflake”.
• I stand with the aces who have sex, who get called bad and looked down on by certain elitists who fail to recognize that behavior is not the same as attraction.
• I stand with the demisexuals and the grey-asexuals, who get hit harder and more constantly with the “special snowflake” line of bullshit than anyone else.

I stand with everyone and anyone who considers themselves part of the ace community and the asexual spectrum, with two exceptions.

I don’t stand with elitists, and I don’t stand with people who are more concerned about the way asexual people react to bigotry than the bigotry itself.

If they want me there, I stand with the aces of color who are unwillingly sexualized through ingrained racism and who see only white aces leading the movement towards visibility and acceptance and white characters claimed as ace representation.

If they want me there, I stand with the trans* aces who have their genders and asexuality pitted against each other, many of whom do have ‘hormone problems’ (too much testosterone, not enough, too much estrogen, not enough, etc) who get their asexuality invalidated because of it and then hear cis aces saying ‘our hormones are fine therefore our asexuality is real!’ and see only cis characters claimed as ace representation. I stand with the trans* aces who know or wonder if their asexuality is a result of their gender and/or dysphoria. I stand with the trans* aces who know that their asexuality is not a result of their gender and/or dysphoria.

(via asexualeducation)

rockstarnailbomb:

“You just haven’t found the right person” seriously needs to die in a fire. No, that’s not it at all! It’s how I am, dammit. I’m not resigning myself to a life of loneliness, I’m acknowledging my wiring. And I am ok with how I am. It’s just your foolishness that’s really harshing my mellow.

Accept my explanation of my life. Please.

(via grassangel)

rockstarnailbomb:

“You just haven’t found the right person” seriously needs to die in a fire. No, that’s not it at all! It’s how I am, dammit. I’m not resigning myself to a life of loneliness, I’m acknowledging my wiring. And I am ok with how I am. It’s just your foolishness that’s really harshing my mellow.

Accept my explanation of my life. Please.

(via aromanticaardvark)

yourinsidesxrayed:

Knowing that I don’t ever have to have sex if I don’t want to is actually the most empowering thing ever.

Growing up, knowing that would be expected of me someday was super uncomfortable and something I dreaded, so it’s such a relief to know that I actually have a choice over what I do with my body.

So, uh. To the asexual visibility websites and all the Internet activism that people pretend isn’t important: thanks.

(via metapianycist)

feathersmcstrange:

*is aggressively protective of teenagers who have been told they’re too young to know what their sexual orientation is*

(Source: fandomacepilot, via metapianycist)